Paris

I would be lying to you if I said that I don’t dream about being back in Paris every single day. There is nothing about this city that I don’t find completely charming and wonderful.

Food

Cheese. Cheese cheese cheese. Cheese boards, gnocchi mac and cheese, fondue. All of it! Plus, lots of sweet treats and produce. Everything tastes better when you are on vacation and everything tastes better when it is made in France. There was no meal that fell short of this standard. 

We ate breakfast most mornings in our apartment using fresh groceries from the market near us. Avocado toast never tasted so good! Even if you don’t plan to make meals for yourself, I recommend heading into one of the markets just to take a look around. I also got myself some tea for before bed, and some snacks for walking around because… snacks. We did spend a couple of mornings (because on our first attempt it was closed) walking for what felt like hours to find a smoothie place that I had found on the internet. Despite its challenge to find, and find open, Love Juice Bar was well worth the trouble. The smoothie bowls that we each got were so fresh and creative with tropical fruits and healthy add-ins. I highly recommend trying to find them yourself!

A friend who had lived in Paris for a time recommended a fondue restaurant that happened to be around the corner from our Air BNB. The restaurant was the definition of a hole-in-the-wall. We almost missed it because it is discreetly tucked into a small alleyway. The place has only a few tables, and more charm than you would believe could fit into such a small space. The owner of Heureux Comme Alexandre sat us, forgave our very poor attempt to speak French, and told us all about our cheesy options. We chose two flavors of cheese and dipped bread, veggies, and meat until our hearts were content. Then… we ate desert fondue because you can’t not eat desert fondue at a fondue restaurant. Alexandre insisted on multiple servings of a melon digestif and we left feeling as happy as clams. 

Other than consuming massive amounts of ice cream at home, I don’t usually go for sweets; pastries, muffins, cakes, and the like are not my usual choice. In Paris, however, they are my daily choice. I think that a Nutella filled donut purchased on the street corner near a Metro stop was the most delicious thing that has ever touched my tongue. I have no idea what they do to make those things, but that was a live-changing experience. My friends and I also had gelato almost every night. The gelato place that was closest to our apartment also had macaroons with a layer of gelato between the cookies. Oh. My. God. I will never forget those. I dream about them on occasion.

I wish that I could remember the name of the pub that I order mac-and-cheese gnocchi at. We spent a rainy day scouring the city for a place to get massages with enough openings for the three of us. After calling every massage parlor, running around town in the rain, and spending a couple of hours getting our massages, we were so hungry that we stumbled into the first place we found serving food. Maybe it was only the endorphins from the massage telling me that my food was so wonderful, but I’m pretty sure that the gnocchi was just THAT good. My advice is to just get lost and try to stumble upon some cheesy gnocchi; you won’t regret it!

Drink

Wine was almost always in our hands during this trip because 90% of why we took work off and flew to the other side of the world was to drink wine and do nothing, but some of the most memorable wine we had was at Wine Tasting in Paris. The place itself is adorable and intimate with plenty of Parisian charm. The champagne that this wine tour might be the best that I will ever taste in my life. We learned about the different wines of Paris and about the history of wine making. Not only was the wine tour delicious and educational, but the group was so much fun, and the course was highly educational. My girlfriends and I were the only ‘non-couple’ situation at this wine tasting because it was more of a date-like situation. I guess that most of Paris tourism is more of a date-like situation. We met people from all over the world and interacting with them for the couple of hours felt like a global gathering of extremely novice wine-lovers. We heard stories from Ireland, Texas, England, and more. The different accents and anecdotes made it feel like the world isn’t as far spread and different as it can sometimes seem to be. 

I never knew the amazing qualities of Rose until spending a week in Paris. “Rose all day”, as I like to say. I wish I was kidding, but I did say that phrase a lot while we were there because we did drink Rose during most times of the day. Sitting in a café waiting for restaurants to fire up their ovens for dinner called for a bottle… or two! Watching people, trying not to get lung cancer from all the smokers around you, and talking amongst ourselves about everything under the sun was our evening ritual while on this trip, and it was perfect.  

I guess that I should mention the digestif from the fondue night one more time. Does everyone else normally drink digestif? Or just everyone living in Europe? I knew about after-dinner-drinks before our Parisian getaway, but I don’t think I had ever tried one before. Not a digestif or aperitif anyways. The three things that I can tell you about them; 1. They taste delicious! The one that was served to us somewhat insistently (we didn’t really complain) was a melon liqueur that went down so smooth and was served cold. 2. My digestive system seemed to really enjoy it. I hardly had any stomach issues at all while we were in Paris. I think because the food is so clean and fresh. BUT I did not have any issues after my post-meal digestif, and after all that cheese, it was better to play it safe, right? 3. It is alcoholic. Many glasses of wine plus a few after-dinner shots of melon digestif might make you tipsy. For us, it led to an impromptu, and giggly, late-night trip to the Eiffel Tower to watch it sparkle. As my friend Kirstin reminded us so tenaciously, standing in front of the Eiffel Tower in the quiet of nightfall with two of the people who mean the very most to you – that is one of life’s top 3 moments for each of us. Easily!

My March Toward the Future

It's been a while since I've sat down to write, but this topic has been slowly churning around in my mind for quite some time and has just now formed into something that I feel I can put down on paper. Unless you've been living under a rock, it's obvious that human rights issues have been the topic of many protests and social media arguments over the last year or so. Many of these were fueled, or brought closer to the surface, due to the recent presidential election, but I would like to stay away from most of the electoral issues for the purpose of this writing-that's not what's at the core of my heart right now. I honestly don't care what political party is in charge, I care that freedom and decency be granted to everyone. 

I'd like to start by saying that as a privileged white woman in America most of my heartbreak for the issues of minorities come from others' stories of racism, sexism, bigotry, and judgement. I've personally seen very little of what others have to face every day. My heart breaks for those whos stories are beyond what I can fully understand. My fight, while still for the rights to my own body and my own future, is even more so for them. One of the best posters that I saw held up during the march was one that read, 'Privilege is when you believe that something is not a problem because it's not a problem to you personally.' Many people do not understand the outcry that is occurring across the world because they fail to try to understand the fear and pain that many are facing every day. Observing the Women's Marches across the globe this weekend was overwhelmingly uplifting for me and got me thinking a lot about what I hope happens from this point forward.

I thought a lot this weekend about how passionate I am about seeing equal rights for everyone and about how I have done very little but talk up until this point. I didn't pay attention to the policies at my local government levels, I didn't carefully read about amendments and make sure that I voted on the topics that were important, and I didn't pay enough attention to who was being elected on the lower political levels. I have a lot of action to take from this point forward. I need to be a lot more aware of what is happening around me politically. For not doing this sooner, and for thinking that my one little voice doesn't matter, I alone am responsible and very sorry.

My other action in the fight for equality is to continue what I have already been doing. I have been working hard to build a career and chase my dreams regardless of the things that are trying to hold me back. I am going to continue to climb and to tirelessly work for my dreams and encourage those close to me to continue to do so as well. Not only do I do this for myself, but for those around me who do not currently have that option. I want to be a light and a hand to anyone else who is fighting to get to where their dreams may lie. I want to be a voice of encouragement, begging those who have a passion to keep fighting and keep climbing, regardless if they are twelve years old or one hundred and two, if they are white, black, Native American, gay, transgender, Muslim, Jewish, or any of the numerous minorities that I have left out. I hope that the millions of individuals that came out this weekend to march for you will be a burning reminder in your heart that we have each others backs-GLOBALLY!

Lastly, my plea to myself and to all others in this fight is to stay kind. I know that there are many that will disagree with me on this one because it is past the point of kindness, and because war isn't pretty or nice. In my heart, however, I feel that I start to become part of the problem when I cross the line into hatred. I am not saying to back down or to be quiet, because that is the opposite of what this fight is for. I am saying that I can be loud, and I can be heard, and I can make change happen without compromising my morals of right and wrong. These marches across the world were loud and uncensored and they were peaceful-and that is exactly what I am aiming for. I believe that wrong needs to be called out over and over again, but I do not believe that change will not happen by making fun of others, or by trying to make the enemy 'see what it feels like'. If nothing else, we can be thankful that opposition is only making us stronger and louder and more banded together toward change.

This isn't something that is easy for me to publicly say because I live in a community where I can receive a lot of hatred and backlash for stating my beliefs about my rights to make my own decisions about my body. No one is going to physically throw anything at me, and no one is going to fire me from my job, but it's still hard to know that I could get some negative feedback for stating my truth. The bottom line for me is that I believe that everyone deserves to be loved (not tolerated) and to get to love the way they want to, and to feel safe, and have any opportunity that they want to work for. I am tired of watching the justification of the taking of any person's freedom because of a bible verse or a political belief system, or because it's better for our economy. I don't ever intend to change the mind of anyone else, but I am changing the way that I live and the way that I fight.

What Happened When I Took Two Weeks Off From the Gym

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There is a crucial balance in fitness between working hard and resting your body. My workout schedule is usually 3 days of running and lifting - off day - 1 day of only running - 1 day of running and lifting - off day, or some close variation. Normally this seems to work well for me, but a month or so ago I noticed that even after rest days I couldn't push my body as hard as I felt like I should be able to, and I wasn't seeing much improvement in my lifts or in my endurance. My two weeks off the gym wasn't an intentional 'gym break', as I was travelling out of the country, but I am so thankful that I didn't have the option to hit the gym for a chunk of time.

1. I really did need the break. Before I left, my body was telling me that it needed a solid amount of time to recover but I just wasn't having it. Even when I would try to take some time off, I would find myself on the treadmill. I was worried that if I completely stopped for any sufficient amount of time I would lose my current progress, and I think that it was also a matter of pride and feeling weak for needing to spend some time out of my normal routine. Consequently, I was hitting a major plataue because my body had had enough. After being back for a couple of weeks after my time off, I am already seeing positive changes in my strength, physique, and endurance.

2. I didn't miss it as much as I thought I would. Granted, I was busy having fun during the two weeks, but I thought that I would have withdrawals without my normal runs or squats. I was happy to be back into after the break, but it's good to know that I truly enjoy spending a chunk of my day sweating like a pig and I'm not doing it because I have an addiction. I dedicate a lot of my time to my love of fitness, but I really was alright without it for a time. Sometimes it's hard to admit that fitness is not life... it's just a small part of life.

3. I hit it a little too hard once I was back to the grind. I was surprised that I could do my usual 40 minutes of cardio without much struggle, but my normal leg day was a different story. After the third set of my first lift, I could already feel the strain on my muscles, but I decided to continue with the rest of what I had planned anyways. I then felt the consequences of that decision for the next few days. Lesson here is that you can ruin your newly rested body if you aren't careful about easing back into it.

4. I am more motivated to spend time actively recovering. After coming back, I have been more intentional about stretching daily and trying to get to yoga regularly. Recognizing that I wasn't being good to my body and that I had pushed it to a breaking point makes me want to be really careful to be dedicated about a well rounded fitness plan. Hopefully spending the time to recover before I am feeling extra strain will keep me from hitting such a steep plateau in the future.

5. I set new goals. Feeling good coming back into my workouts made me motivated enough to set some future plans! I don't feel like I am just barely making into the gym each night; I feel excited and ready to do big things again! So not only did my body have time to heal, but my fitness heart had some time to re-amp itself too!

A Realistic Perspective that Perspective is Relative

I intended on following up my Cutting Myself a Little Slack post with some epic tale of how my journey through Cambodia had changed my perspective and set my life back onto a comfortable, forward-moving track. I suppose that is the case in part; I did gain some perspective, but gaining it didn't magically put my feet in any kind of direction.

Gaining perspective and 'finding yourself' are both fantastic and necessary but don't automatically help you to actually get your shit back under control. That still takes effort and daily habit changes. In other words, it takes putting your big kid pants on and making decisions about what you want to take risks on. I have been so passive in trying to figure out what I want to do next, in part because I have so many things that I am choosing between, but also because I am afraid that I will pick a direction and then realize that it's the wrong one. I am scared of spending money and time on something that won't work out the way that I think it will... So instead I do nothing.

I am scared to spend time in quiet with my own thoughts, or in prayer, because I am afraid of what I will find. I'm not ready to deal with the issues that have been weighing so heavily on my soul. My first step is going to have to be to just get myself to sit still for a few minutes in the quiet without any intention of having a conversation about my difficult stuff. That's my version of a baby step into self-awareness and into giving my life back into the control of the Power that is greater than myself.

I did learn two big things about myself during my journey abroad. The first is that I am genuinely and insatiably happy. My heart is so full of joy and love that it's almost overwhelming to think about. The normalcy of my regular life here at home had me so busy that I didn't even realize how happy I really am, but when I was all by myself in a completely different culture I could feel the vibrations of that love and passion for life seeping out of my skin. I couldn't stop smiling because I love living and experiencing everything that I can! Life is oh-so-good!!

The second thing that I realized is that my heart is not ok right now. How those two revelations occurred at the same time is a strange phenomenon, but it's what happened. The two situations are both existing inside of me simultaneously. Maybe the overwhelming happiness helped to hide the issue for as long as it's been hidden. I am the biggest example of an avoider that I've ever known. I push my pain into this dark hidden corner of myself and then continue with my life for a long time before I am able to deal with it. I know that it's not healthy, and I am reminded of that often, but it is the only way that things process for me. My world was rocked a little while back and my heart was shattered in the process, but it took my adventure to get me to realize that I had been holding all of the pieces of my heart in place really tightly just hoping that they would miraculously stick back together eventually, and that has actually been incredibly draining. I had the space away from the people that really know me to release my grasp, see how bad the damage really is, and let it fall apart a little bit... only a little bit though because the hardcore emotional avoider in me is hard to shake. 

So, goals 1-3 set back in the last blog post have turned around a little bit based on this new perspective.

1. My emotional self-care has been lacking because I don't want to go to that vulnerable place that you have to climb into when you look into your soul. I just wanted to avoid the pain of dealing with my current heartache. Goal 1: Spend three nights this week in silence for at least 15 minutes. At this point there is no intention of a prayer or a revelation, only stillness in my soul.

2. My desire to find a satisfying career change, or a way to make money and simultaneously follow my passions is going to require a lot of sacrifices and the great possibility of failure. I think I was hoping for the perfect thing to fall into my lap, but that's just not always how it works. I might have to do some things that I don't really want to do in order to get to the things that I really want to do. Goal 2: Just pick a path and do it. Take the risk of deciding later on that it wasn't everything that I thought it would be.

3. With the completion of goals 1 and 2, my other issue of thinking that I am not doing enough with my life is probably going to take care of itself. This was more of a symptom of the other two issues than it was a diagnosis in itself. However, Goal 3: Be active and alert about crushing any self-doubting words going on in my head. This life only comes around this one time, and at the end of it I just want to say that I was happy and that maybe it was contagious to some of the people around me.

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Cutting Myself a Little Slack

I'm screwing up my life! I can feel the panic start to build inside my chest making it hard to breathe normally. My heart feels tight as I'm counting all the areas of my life that don't look the way I thought they would right now. It just occurred to me that my 25th birthday is quickly approaching and a quarter life crisis has started to set in. I should be making more money, using my degree, learning more things, becoming a better person, falling in love with someone.

I know deep down that everything is going to be fine when I get to these panicky places, but it still happens more than I care to admit. I start to go over and over the mistakes that I've made and I start to feel like my life can't ever look the way I want it to because I have messed it up so badly for myself. Why didn't I do an internship after college? Why couldn't I made things work with that guy? Why am I not waking up at 5:00am every morning to run? What the hell was last weekend about? Or the last few weekends? I don't even know who I am so worried about impressing, because no one is putting this pressure on me but my own self. I'm realizing how often thoughts like these are consuming me. I think I fill most of my days feeling disappointed in myself and trying to frantically come up with some plan to feel like I'm doing something with my life. I'm going to give myself an aneurism if I keep this up! Of course, I don't want to be complacent and stop shooting for the stars, but I also need to stop beating myself up for not always being on top of the world. Am I the only 20-something person out there who is feeling this way? I'm curious if people are struggling the same way I am, or have struggled this same way and got through it.

My solution to my crisis is to fly myself half-way across the world in an attempt to figure it out. That's a lot of pressure to put on a two week trip, and it's probably not the healthiest solution... Or the most affordable. In fact, it's only just putting and ocean between me and the issues that I need to work out. However, I'm still hoping that jumping out of my comfort zone and having quite a bit of alone time will help me to sort through some things. If I plan to come back from this trip less panicky about the direction my life is taking, I feel like I should try to narrow down the specifics of my cloud of growing anxiety.

1. My job is not currently satisfying me and there really isn't much room for growth. This being said, I don't know which path I should go down next in order to pursue my dreams. Any career switch will require a lot of hard work, so I want to make sure that it's what I really love. Goal: figure out which passion I need to pursue that will also make me some money.

2. I stopped taking care of my emotional and spiritual needs. Not only has this left me feeling irritated and blank, but it's gone so far that I've actually been making choices that have been incredibly damaging to my soul. Goal: set some new daily habits that will nurture my spirit and lead me back to love.

3. Somewhere along the line, I decided that since I'm not super impressive, or doing all kinds of impressive things with impressive people all the time that I am not worth much or don't have enough to offer. I think I'm trying to punish myself towards success and that is never the best strategy for motivation. Goal: start encouraging myself and cutting myself some slack for not having it all together all the time. 

So, Cambodia.
I'm asking you to be a place for working on my new goals. Teach me some things about life and love and adventure. I'm looking to re-center myself among your beauty.

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Are you Overdoing it With Your Workouts?

If your workout and health routines are taking over your life, it could be a sign that it has turned from a healthy lifestyle to an addictive one.

This topic is one that I regularly have running through the back of my mind because I want to keep my fitness something that I love to do, not something that I have to do. I have had phases of life that I did let my fitness and my 'healthy' eating go so far that they became damaging and addicting. The consequences negatively affected my mind, my soul, and my body so I don't ever want to go back to that again. Nutrition and fitness are very important to me, but I do not think that they should ever define me. There will be times in my life that I won't make it to the gym as much and my fitness level will always fluctuate, but that should not change my identity or how much value I place in myself. Maybe the priority you have to keep in check isn't fitness, but I think that same concept can be applied to any lifestyle.

Taking fitness and health to an unhealthy obsession can be damaging physically as well as mentally. Overworking your body and not leaving yourself enough time to recover can lead to damage of the muscles, ligaments, and joints as well as dehydration, calorie deprevation, etc. Your workouts can also start to suffer if your body doesn't have enough energy to perform at it best. The pressure to push yourself too far can also start to damage your self confidence, or could signal the beginnings of a body-image disorder. 

There are a few signs that I look for when trying to keep my lifestyle in balance, and when I do notice them, I try to take some time off of the gym and eat some chocolate while reminding myself that my value comes from the person I am inside, not from what my body looks like, or how well it can run sprints.

Signs I watch for: 

- I start to get anxiety if I am forced to skip a workout. 

- I begin to religiously count calories or immediately regret eating anything 'unhealthy'. 

- I start to compare myself to others' fitness levels and feel that I do not measure up, or I am less valuable because they are more 'in shape'.

- I find it hard to cut myself some slack for a bad workout week. 

 

- My focus is shifting from living a healthy, happy life to what people will think of my public healthy, happy life. 

Keeping my own habits in check is something that helps me to continue doing what I love and keep it healthy. If you feel like you could be struggling with a body-image disorder, compulsive exercising, or obsessive healthy eating (orthorexia) and you are past the point of keeping yourself in check, I strongly encourage you to talk to someone that you trust about it. It's never too early or too late to lean on someone else or to seek some guidance when it comes to your own wellbeing. Pursuing a fit and nutritious life is rewarding, but not if it is at the expense of your health and your joy. 

 

Get your run or your lift in today, but make sure it's also feeding good things into your soul at the same time. 

Core Workout

Having a strong core is important for more than just looking good in your bikini, so just because summer is long gone and the swim suits are packed away does not mean the core workouts get to be filed away. The abdominals and back muscles are the powerhouse of your body and can help improve your physical performance as well as your every day functioning. Exercising the core muscles can help reduce back pain as well as improve balance and posture. Opposing muscles - back and abdominals- need to be strengthened evenly in order to prevent one from overpowering the other and leading to injury or discomfort. Try out these core moves for your next workout and keep that core strong all year round! Make sure to warm up your muscles with some cardio first, and make adjustments to sets/reps/weight to challenge your fitness level.